The Mariner did humanity a service by firing him.

Kevin Mather is an idiot.

I’m not the kinda person to get triggered by people and write hit pieces but I guess I am now because of this guy. How he got to where he is in life is honestly an enigma after you see the fashion in which he ruined it all. By the way, everything stated in this article is completely true.

This is one of those set-for-life guys. He’s not a hedge-fund billionaire but with how out of touch with reality he seems, he might as well be. I guess we can start with what he would consider his profession which is accounting, for baseball teams specifically. This man started as a driven individual working his way up the corporate ladder that is a baseball front office eventually becoming the president of the Seattle Mariners after 24 years of scarping and crawling through the system as a competent (I hope) money manager. I guess being good with money (I hope) is the only asset you need nowadays to be the president of a baseball team because I am at a loss for what other positive things he provided. In fact, maybe because of him and how “well” he’s acted as the president of the organization since 2014, what it means to be team president is changing. I guess if we really wanted to give him credit for what he did we could say he left a legacy on the rest of the game.

He left a legacy by being a horrid human being, but a legacy nonetheless. I don’t even know what the president has to do with baseball operations, it seems to me like they are just responsible for raking in that sweet cash for the team, but as you’ll see he’s obviously involved somehow. The man who’s made his living so far in life and proved his worth to the Mariners by doing great things for society like securing tv deals, managing the budget of a mid-market baseball team, watching people build a stadium, finding sponsors, and last but not least, exploiting taxpayers for money to spend on a stadium that solely benefits a billion-dollar for-profit company. All great things that truly show his competence and translate perfectly into making personnel decisions for living-breathing humans on a baseball team right? Well, whatever answer you thought doesn’t matter because the answer to that question is just a flat no it doesn’t translate as seen by the Mather experiment. 

Most people change as they get power. Thankfully a majority of people on this Earth are able to exhibit this thing called responsibility and wield power to help others, but sadly, to be a majority there must be a minority. This loser who doesn’t even deserve to be named anymore squarely falls into the minority here. People often reveal their “true colors” as they get power and this guy was in a prime position to do the same except he doesn’t even have true colors. His “true color” is a shade, and that shade is completely black. Flat-black, Vantablack, there ain’t anything inside him that’s not black. This guy. This Guy. THIS GUY, decides now that he has some semblance of power and influence, thinks it’s the perfect time to start disrespecting pretty much everyone in the world that isn’t like him.

He starts small like any intelligent person by doing minor things in private, like harassing women. Well not like harassing women, actually harassing (women) multiple and creating a hostile workplace environment for them. They filed some complaint with the law or something else to that effect that’s below Mather, as the “undisclosed sums” he gave them made the problem vanish, and paved his way to more promotions! I guess abusing women and then bribing them to settle is exactly what you should do to get promoted too!

Now that he has even more power he can move on to greener pastures, by that which I mean harass even more people. He didn’t do anything in public for the next 7 years thankfully, but if he’s anything like the public version of him in private, I can’t imagine he was acting like a quality human being. 

Here comes 2021, where Kevin is living the life. He’s so happy that he has this job where he can be famous and speak at places like rotary clubs and be listened to and cheered on for, what a platform he has. This is the perfect place to share my perverted thoughts with the rest of the world. Now that I’m on a roll, why not share’em all?

During this fateful event in February 2021, he shared em’all, and then promptly lost his job the next day, and even that wasn’t fast enough. He said enough things to probably lose him his job three times over. 

He started by making fun of one of his players and now a coach for not being great at English. Sorry bro, but just because he lives in America doesn’t require him to be fluent and English, and just because he is Japanese doesn’t give you the right to make fun of him. Go ahead, alienate one of your employees along with an entire country just like that. That wasn’t enough? Well, why not say the same stupid patriotic dumb things again about a prospect from the Dominican Republic, and alienate all Spanish speakers! Just another day in the office! And why stop there? Now is a great time to admit to intentionally screwing over one of your employees just because it’s better for the bottom line. It’s not like his employees have to like him, right?

Now his tirade wouldn’t be complete without insulting some more people that are highly respected and valuable human beings. Seems like the perfect hour to insult the best pitcher on the team by calling him “very boring” and making up clubhouse issues including him that you weren’t even a part of! Fun fun! We can’t let the hitters get off easy either right? Let’s just cap it all off by insulting the most important player in the franchise over the last ten years by calling him overpaid. That’ll get the people going!

He was probably so satisfied with another day’s work until the recording got leaked and all sane people went crazy. Oh wait, people don’t agree with what I said, how is that possible! I am just misunderstood, it cant be that I’m a worthless husk of a person! Okay, maybe I shouldnt have said some of those things, but it was just a lapse of judgment! The real me would never say that! Yeah right, stupid idiot.

Thank the lord and all that is holy that you got fired and moved away from the public. Go retire in Beverly Hills or something already, please. Actually, Beverly Hills is too close to me. Go to the Hamptons. Actually, go to the Cayman Islands or some other tax haven so you never have to pay America for what you did and you can live in luxury for the rest of reality. You honestly deserve it. We deserve it too, as the rest of baseball and the world is better with you there. Have a great time! 

Edit: Hey, now that I’m going back and editing this it actually seems really mean and accuses this Kevin guy of being a really bad person, maybe I should change it.

Edit: Edit: Ehh, I actually meant all of it, you are lucky it’s not worse. Go rot in hell Kevin Mather, see you on the other side! Jk, I dont want to see you on the other side. Have a nice evening everyone (other than Kevin Mather)!